Courage (Mark of Nexus) Page 12

  This was it. It was really happening.

  I’d let my insecurities get the best of me yesterday. I’d pleaded for him to think things through, but I never thought he’d actually do it. I mean, hadn’t he passed when I gave him an out? Hadn’t he reassured me we were fine?

  The tears finally spilled over, salting my lips. I couldn’t afford to do this now. Wallace would feel it. He’d know something was up.

  But then again, maybe he should.

  Rachel was right. Holding on to him wasn’t love; it was selfish. Above all other things, Wallace was my best friend. I wanted his happiness more than my own, even if it hurt me to give it to him. After everything we’d been through, he deserved that much.

  I bit down until I tasted blood. There was no doubt in my mind he’d fight it, even after being so honest with Corynn. God, I wanted to blame her, but I wasn't stupid. The girl was a pawn. Yet despite whatever Faye’s intentions had been, she was also a gift—and we couldn’t ignore that.

  Huh. So, that’s it. I’ve decided.

  I didn’t want to give him up. Honestly, I didn’t. Unlike Rachel, I had no disillusions about my own future happiness. After this, I was done. There’d never be another man to fill the hole he’d leave in my life. I was choosing misery, but I was choosing it for him. Right?

  There wasn’t enough time to think it over. He knew what he wanted, and I knew what I had to do. With a deep inhale, I opened my eyes and wiped the tears from my lashes. Now or never. I pushed myself to my feet and spun to find Wallace staring at me in horror from across the lot.

  I hadn’t even sensed him.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, quickening his steps to close the distance between us. “I felt—”

  “Hey,” I said, wincing at the waver in my voice. “I’ve been thinking…”

  The color drained from his face as his eyes locked on mine. He was pulling emotions I hadn’t even begun to acknowledge yet. “Why do I have a feeling that’s not a good thing?”

  My stomach churned with acidic regret, and I fought to keep more tears from my eyes. “I don’t want to make this any harder than I have to.”

  “No,” he muttered, hurt tugging at his features. “Not that. I don’t want to hear it.”

  “Wallace,” I pleaded.

  “We talked about this!” His eyes widened in exasperation. “I told you. I don’t care about those things anymore. You changed all that.”

  Ugh. I knew this was going to happen. He’d never choose happiness for himself, even though he'd told Corynn he could do it. The man was loyal to a fault, and it wasn’t in his best interest. If I was going to do this right, I’d have to lie.

  “The only thing that’s ever worried me about us is your wellbeing,” he said. “Baby, I don’t want to be the one to shackle you to this curse forever.”

  I swallowed, lifted my chin, and uttered two words I knew would haunt us both forever. “Then don’t.”

  He froze. “What?”

  “Don’t,” I repeated. “Let me go. The charade is going to hurt worse, the longer it goes on.”

  “Charade?” he asked. “No, Rena, I love you. I just feel like we’re on the verge of serious here, and I want you to have an out. The same one you offered me, remember? If we’re going to do this, we gotta be all in.”

  My face burned as I stared up at him, trying to memorize the beautiful, masculine lines of his face. “I get that,” I whispered and let my gaze drop between us. “That’s why I’m taking it.”

  “You’re…” He sounded like he was trying to talk around a lump in his throat. “Taking it?”

  I could feel the sob working its way through my body, wracking my chest as I struggled to keep it inside. “That’s what I said.”

  “You don’t mean that.” He bent down and forced me to meet his panicked blue eyes. “Baby, you’re upset. I can feel it. Tell me what’s going on.”

  “I’m upset that it came to this,” I snapped, trying to make my voice hard. “I’m sorry, Wallace. I really am. But we just…need to be done, okay? I can’t take it anymore.”

  “Rena…” His fingertips brushed my shoulder, and I flinched away. I knew one touch, one show of affection, would break my resolve. There could be nothing more between us. This was it.

  He straightened with a look so haunted I swore both of our hearts broke at the same time. “I see.”

  It took every bit of my willpower to stand there and let it happen—to let my world be ripped out from under me. I would’ve given anything to cry and apologize at that point. Anything to fall into his arms and renounce my own stupidity. But I didn’t.

  “Well,” he began, his voice thick with emotion, “thank you for telling me. I’m glad I…heard it from you.”

  “Wallace…”

  “No, I just need…air or something,” he muttered, taking a step back. “I’ll see you around.” Tears gleamed in his eyes as he turned to walk away, but it was too late. The damage had already been done. I couldn’t take it back now.

  So, I did the only thing I could do—I watched him go.

  CHAPTER 19

  I knew something had been bothering her. I knew she’d been thinking about it. But I never thought it’d happen like this.

  Wandering back to the church felt like a thousand mile journey. My body was too heavy, too slow. It was bad enough I hadn’t slept all night, worrying about what Henry had said. Now I’d lost all motivation to move.

  Stupid as it was, I knew it hadn’t hit me yet. Her absence wouldn’t seem real for a while. Until then, I’d just have to—

  “You son of a bitch!”

  My head snapped to the side from the force of a lightning fast blow, and I struggled to catch my balance. “What the…?”

  “What did you do to her?” Cole demanded, eyes livid as he jabbed his finger toward the parking lot. “Tell me I did not just see Rena throw up over what you said earlier. So help me—”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped back, anxious to take my aggression out on someone. “She just broke up with me. I didn’t say anything.”

  That got him up in my face. “You serious?”

  “Yes, I’m serious.” I shoved him. “You think I’d joke about something like that? She wanted out, so I let her. End of story.”

  “Right,” Cole agreed, circling on me. “She wanted out. Had nothing to do with you.”

  I sucked in a deep breath. “You better stop right there.”

  “What are you going to do about it?” he taunted, shoving me back. “Come on. Show me.”

  “Cole, back off,” I warned. And that was the last thing I remember.

  The next few minutes were a chaotic blur of punches, grass stains, shouts, and bruises. He was fast, but he couldn’t hold me down. No one could hold me down—especially not today. Damn it. I didn't want to hurt my brother. I didn't want to trigger flashbacks of killing Roman. But if he didn't let up…

  My fist tightened around Cole's collar, and someone grabbed my shoulder. “Wallace! That’s enough.”

  I looked up through a red haze to find Pastor Mark’s face hovering over mine. He pulled us apart—well, he tried to—and sent us to opposite sides of the light post. “What the heck’s gotten into you?” he asked. “Who is this guy?”

  Cole spit crimson on the sidewalk and shot me a glare. “Sorry, preacher. Family disagreement.”

  “He’s my brother,” I explained, raising my voice over top of his as I fought to catch my breath. “We just had a little misunderstanding.”

  “Little?” Mark did a double-take and pointed to the crowd forming behind us. “You’re the main event.”

  I stared down at the worn places on my shoes, feeling so small I couldn’t even look at him. “Sorry.”

  “Hey.” He grasped my arm. “If you two are willing, we can talk this thing out inside.”

  “I'm not going in there,” Cole interrupted, eyeing the church like it was going to swallow him whole.

  I gestured toward the
building, incredulous. “You were just in there twenty minutes ago.”

  “Not inside-inside,” Cole fired back. “Just the lobby. You know churches freak me out.”

  I reached up and rubbed my temples, praying for rational thought to flood my mind. “Sorry, Mark. I guess that’s not the best idea right now.”

  “That’s fine.” He flipped his sunglasses back onto the bridge of his nose. “Why don’t you go ahead and head out, then? I can find someone to cover your and Rena’s shift. Family comes first.”

  I cringed at the sound of her name, but nodded anyway. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.” He started to walk away and paused. “Oh, and Wallace.”

  “Huh?”

  Creases formed at the corners of his eyes as he grinned. “I’ll be praying for ya.” He turned to Cole and added, “You too.”

  Cole snorted as Mark made his way back to the crowd. “Better get some kneepads.”

  “So, are you done?” I asked, feeling along the side of my face where it was swollen. My body was tough enough to withstand some heavy blows, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t get hurt. In fact, unlike my brother, I’d probably be sporting a black eye tomorrow.

  Cole shrugged. “For now.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  I took a deep breath. “You want to tell me what all that was about?”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe you telling that Nullari chick you were going to break up with Rena, when she was in freakin’ earshot?”

  My gut twisted, and I did my best to ignore the pain that shot through the band on my arm. “What?”

  “I’m going to tell Rena how I feel,” he mocked in the lower range of his voice, imitating me. “Dragging it out would be cruel. Oh, sappity-sap. I love hugs.” His nostrils flared. “Yeah, we came back around that time, asshole. You were too wrapped up to notice.”

  “But…” The world tilted, and I had to grasp the light post for support. “I wasn’t talking about breaking up with her.” Oh God. Was that what she thought? “Corynn was trying to get me to have a talk with Rena before things got too serious. To make sure she was really in it, before I…before I…”

  I ripped my hand back from where I’d crunched the metal. “Damn it.”

  “What?”

  “It doesn’t matter now,” I spat, making for my truck. “I need to get out of here. I can’t think straight.”

  “Whoa, whoa.” Cole appeared in front of me. “If that’s not how it happened, you have to tell her.”

  I shook my head, and my heart pounded in my ears. “If I talk to her now, she’ll think you told me and I made something up to smooth things over. We’ve been having this fight for days, Cole—months, really. Let her believe what she wants to.”

  “So, what? You’re just going to let her go?”

  “Rena fights for everything,” I gritted out. “If she really wanted me, you think she would’ve just rolled over like that? Maybe she’d been waiting for an excuse, and I finally gave her one.”

  Cole didn’t have an argument for that. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, before stepping aside. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “But this doesn’t feel right. I don’t like it.”

  “Yeah? Well, welcome to the club.” I stormed the rest of the way to my truck, knowing he was only a few steps behind. “And take her home, will ya? I don’t want her walking back to campus by herself.”

  My brother watched me with turmoil in his eyes as I jerked the door open, nearly pulling it off its hinges. “You got it,” he said, tugging keys from his pocket. “Just relax, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

  Yeah, we’d figure it out, all right—figure out I’d managed to screw up the only good thing in my life. I cranked the engine, threw my truck into gear, and tore out of the lot without looking back.

  CHAPTER 20

  “Hot, hot!” Gabby spit a gulp of coffee back into her mug, frantically waving at her tongue. “Hottt…”

  I raised an eyebrow, but refrained from comment. If I told her how gross it was, she’d repeat it just to see me squirm. Instead, I focused on my silverware. One, two…three…four water spots on my fork. Yuck. How hard was it to dry these things?

  Feigning interest in something across the diner, I yanked the offending utensil under the table and gave it a few quick swipes with my napkin.

  He’s going to catch you one of these times, you know?”

  I swallowed. “Who?”

  “You know who,” Gabby said, gesturing toward the double doors behind our booth. “Sam. He’s always coming and going through there.”

  I did know who. I was just afraid to summon him from the kitchen’s fiery depths. The man was intimidation personified. Sure, he looked the part of a greasy dive owner, but he acted like a mobster. If he caught me insulting his establishment, he might break my kneecaps. Or worse…

  A sudden song erupted from Gabby’s purse, but she didn’t so much as flinch. “It’s just Rena,” she announced in a bored tone, before rooting around in her bag to answer it. “What’s up?”

  Her thin brows met in an instant. “Slow down. Where are you?”

  Sweat prickled my hairline as I studied her, waiting to hear what had happened. Did Rena get into an accident? Was she hurt? I patted my pockets to find my keys. If she could get an address—

  Lexie, our repeat waitress, chose that moment to trudge over. “Ready to order?” she asked, ignoring the fact that Gabby was still on the phone.

  Of course. It’d been our luck that we had ended up with her once a week since she started here in the winter. After all these months, we only knew three things about her. She dressed like a goth, she had a crush on Wallace, and she didn’t like the rest of us.

  Oh, and she was Sam’s niece. That made four things.

  “Actually, can we just get a check for the drinks?” I whispered, sneaking my fork back alongside my spoon. “I think we’re leaving.”

  She shrugged. “Whatever. Give me a minute.”

  Gabby plugged her other ear. “Say that again. No, we’re at Sam’s. Okay…okay, see you soon.” She hit something on the screen and threw her phone back inside her bag. “She’s coming here. They’re right around the corner.”

  “What happened?” I asked, leaning forward. “Is she okay?”

  “I don’t know.” She pressed her lips together and turned around to watch the door. “She was with Wallace’s brother, and she was crying.”

  “His brother?” My stomach did a weird little flip, and I sank down in my seat. “I thought she went to the festival with Wallace.”

  “That’s what I thought, too,” Gabby said, reaching down to grasp the handle of her mug. “But some serious shit must’ve gone down if she called just to find us.”

  Just then, the door burst open and Rena stumbled inside. Her hair was blown like she’d ridden with her head out the window, and her cheeks were rosy pink. She let out a strangled sob when she saw us and ran the rest of the way to our booth.

  “Oh, honey.” Gabby stood up to catch her in a hug. “What’s wrong?”

  Something blurred in my peripheral vision.

  “I’m so stupid,” Rena wailed into her shoulder.

  A man who looked like the mercenary version of Wallace nudged my shoulder. “Hey, you mind scoochin’ over, pal? I’m babysitting.”

  I blinked a few times and moved to the inside of the booth. “S-Sure…”

  “Thanks,” he muttered, plopping down in the indentation I’d left behind. “So, are you guys just hanging out or what?”

  Did he not get that there was an emotional scene taking place two feet from us? I looked from him to the girls, and then back to him. “Uh, yeah.”

  “Sorry, where are my manners?” He ran his hand down the leg of his jeans and offered it to me. “Cole Blake.”

  I grasped it and prayed my palm wasn’t sweaty. “Aiden Ross.”

  He nodded. “Well, I’m here to tell you, Aiden Ross, not to get c
aught up in this woman shit.” He jerked his chin back toward Rena and Gabby, who seemed lost in their own little hushed world. “They do not want to hear from you. They do not want to be enlightened by your opinions. And if you try to comfort them, they’ll freakin’ cry.”

  Man, this guy gave me the creeps. I felt like he was staring into my soul or something. “But…I don’t even know why she’s upset.”

  He picked up my knife and started fiddling with it. “I’ll tell you why she’s upset. She just broke up with my brother.”

  “What?” All of the ambient sound in the diner cut as I focused on him, struggling to grasp what he’d just said. “Are you serious?”

  “Serious as a heart attack,” he said, poking the blade against his chest. “It’s complicated as all hell, though, so don’t try to understand it. Just stay out of her way and make little listening noises when it’s appropriate.”

  Was this guy for real? Rena adored every breath in Wallace’s body. There was no stinkin’ way she’d break up with him. Besides, why would she be the one crying?

  “I’m sorry,” Rena said, sniffling as she turned to the table. “I just…” She shook her head and held a hand up. “Never mind. What’s going on?”

  “What’s going on?” I repeated, incredulous. “You—”

  Cole shot me a warning look.

  I swallowed and looked down at my water. “Nothing.”

  Rena laughed as she sat down, though her eyes were still red and watery. “Aiden, you’re a horrible liar.”

  Warmth danced across my cheeks. “Really?”

  “Really,” she teased. “I know I look like shit. You don’t have to tell me.”

  Cole had taken to absentmindedly slashing the butter knife across his arm. “Don’t respond to that. It’s a trap.”

  Gabby raised her eyebrows as she took a seat. “So, you’re Ace’s…” She cringed and shot a glance at Rena. “I mean, you’re somebody’s brother?”

  “Yeah,” he responded. “I’m somebody’s brother.”